Monday, January 03, 2005

A Brand New Year, And I'm Glad I Have Survived

Since the last post, I have had one incredible experience after another. While the whole story would take far too long to relate to you, I could serialize it so you can absorb the tale in it's entirety without being overwhelmed.

I had just begun another day at work, and whilst driving to the Palo Alto office, I was pulled over on highway 101. I knew my right rear brake light was out, and I prepared a lame excuse in my head in the hopes that I could somehow waylay a ticket. My mother somehow gets away with this kind of thing all the time and I was praying for a similar chunk of karma.

The officer came to my window and tapped the glass with the end of his flashlight. I rolled down the window and was just beginning to hand him my driver's license when the officer addressed me by name and told me to exit the vehicle slowly.

"Umm...what is this about, officer?" I queried. I was growing increasingly nervous at this point. There was a hard glint in his eye, and he angrily gritted his teeth.

"I said, get out of the motherfucking car RIGHT NOW!" he screamed, and grabbed my collar, hauling me out of the window without bothering to try the door. The shoulder strap for the seatbelt dug painfully at my neck, and it was only with great effort that I was able to disentangle my self from the strap before it dislocated my shoulder.

I staggered toward the police cruiser with the cop's hand firmly clamped on the back of my neck. I stammered my apologies and questions, but only received the lowly growled "shut the fuck up" while I was slammed on the hood of the cruiser. The wind was knocked out of me and I was roughly frisked for weapons or contraband. When I finally caught my breath, I asked what was this all about. He flipped me over and glared in my face.

"You want to know what this is all about, you asshole? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT?!" he shrieked in my face, covering me in spittle. His left hand closed around my neck, pinching off my windpipe. The light of the early morning began to swim away to black and he shoved a piece of paper in my face. I could just make out the words at the top, and my heart began to sink.

"Did you write this shit, you fucking hippie faggot?" He yelled. The traffic began to slow noticably by now as the other commuters gawked at the spectacle on the side of the road. To this the officer was oblivious, bearing down his full weight on my neck. I began to feel lucid and calm. As the darkness closed in around the edges of my vision, I unexpectdly let loose my bladder.

The paper was, of course, a printout from this very same blog. Although I couldn't make out the particular article, I could only assume it somehow contradicted his moral or political beliefs. I choked out a weak affirmative.

"YOU DID?!" he yelled, and punched me squarely in the nose. The blood flowed freely down my face as the urine had just prior flowed freely down my leg. I had honestly never been so scared in my whole life. Suddenly, he let go of my neck and I collapsed to the macadam, sucking in great, burning gusts of air. I coughed and gagged, and was roughly pulled up by my already inflamed shoulder.

"Get in the goddamned car!" He ordered, and shoved me in the back seat. I slammed my head painfully against the doorjamb and began to raise my hands to the growing knot when they were forced down and a rag with a sour-smelling liquid was thrust under my nose.

"Goodnight, asshole..." rang faintly in me ear and the whole world slid away form me on a wave of inky darkness.

To be continued...