Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Where's The "Think And Do" Page?


If you were ever wondering about which way the Washington Post leans in regards to it's political affiliations, look no further than this article. It literally drips with GOP gladhanding. Nice job, guys. Maybe you should just have a special " Hugs 'N Kisses" issue for Dubya.

The article basically picks apart the reasons why John Kerry decided to use ComedyCentral's "The Daily Show" as his first television interview since the Swift Boaters started their failed attack on Kerry's Vietnam service record. The article basically tries to make fun of John Stewart's show, even though it is considered one of the best news and information programs out there.

The Post talked at some length with Ben Karlin, the show's executive producer, who did not mince words when asked why Kerry's people decided to use "The Daily show" as it's next outlet.

All of us [on 'The Daily Show'] are just blown away by the turn the campaign has taken," Karlin said. "We cannot believe that this is what is being talked about at this juncture. It's so astounding to us. We are trying to work through our amazement and to conduct a meaningful conversation absent of incredulity, because [the interview] is not going to go anywhere if you just say, 'What the fuck is going on?' "

Well, you have to see the interview to understand the article. Kerry comes off as a little stiff, but resolved in his decision to win this election by his stance on the issues afflicting our country, and not simple mudraking. He's doomed.

Also, if you Google this article, you can find all the other like-minded news outlets that decided to repost this editorial piece rather that hammer out their own two-hundred word article. At least my crappy article was mostly my wording. It just was written crappy. So what? You got beef with me? Huh?

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Do The Lynndie!


This is just to show that some of the more obvious meme's really do travel the globe. I had this thought when the first picture of our precocious pixie, Lynndie England, came to light. It is indeed funny to pose in front of unsuspecting strangers and give them a good "Lynndie".

Although I'm a little pissed that I didn't jump on this earlier and therefore steal the glory, I'm glad someone has done it. Now, for your assignment.

Find anybody in a compromising position. Then, give them a Lynndie! It's just that simple! I am going to try my hardest to get some of these, and I encourage you to do the same. If you manage to get off a really good one, email it to me, if I receive enough submissions, or indeed any, I'll place them up once a week.

Let's not let the horrors dealt by our servicemen pass on into obscurity, let's make fun of them. That will heal all our wounds. I guess.

West Nile Virus: The Terrible Reality


It started out with my idly noticing a dead bird in my front yard. Now, I have seen no less than six dead birds, all dying within the last couple of days, lying on my lawn. To say I was a little freaked out was an understatement. Especially after seeing how lethargic Fluff has been acting recently, and he tends to dine on birds. Luckily, there is not any standing water near the house, but I am still on red alert for mosquitoes.

While I don't have all the facts, and I don't want to start a panic unless I get full credit, I feel it is in the best interest of my community to follow these simple rules in order not to catch this possibly fatal disease.

1. Kill any insect that comes anywhere near you. I know that this may be a little over the top, but if you aren't an entomologist, how do you know that thing buzzing around your head or scuttling across the floor isn't a mosquito. Yeah, that's what I thought.

2. Keep away from all fucking birds! They are obviously carrying the virus, that's why they are dying from it! If one were to go all Hitchcock on you, you better believe that you will get infected, and it's asta la vista, baby. Just stay the Hell away from them. If you own a bird as a pet, kill it. Use a gun, because you don't want that little fucker getting in one good last peck at you. Do it! Do it now!

3. Slather your body in mounds of insect repellent or Crisco. The repellent is obvious, but the Crisco is a little more subtle, and when a mosquito lands on you, it will immediately be entombed in gelatinous cottonseed oil. That'll learn 'em. Plus, you don't want to have sex with insect repellent, but Crisco...

4. Never leave your house again.You won't want to go outside anymore, that's where they live. You'll be too busy killing your domestic pets and having sex covered in vegetable shortening, anyway.

Hope this helps. Remember, we're all in this together, so if you're looking for someone to share in the Crisco sex, give me a call!

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Jeb's Stormtroopers Mobilize


Que the ominous music. It seems that elderly black absentee voters in the Sunshine State are being interrogated by state police officers over a secretive investigation. This, of course, has freaked out the black absentee voting population in Florida.

The officers have only said that they are investigating a possible voter fraud scheme during the mayoral elections in Orlando this March. This is a running problem in Florida, and should be more closely looked at. But, somehow, I think this issue doesn't stem from the Orlando League of Voters. Yet they are the ones with the most focus on them.

Back in the infancy of the Equal Rights movement, black voters created these leagues in order to fortify the black vote in states with a long history of oppression. While the bulk of this oppression has faded, the leagues have remained. They stand as a testimonial of the desire for the black population to make their voices heard in a region where they are not always made to feel welcome. Even though we dragged them here to begin with, but I digress.

Now, this league has become the focal point of this mysterious investigation. The state police department have been pretty hush-hush about the particulars of said investigation, but have at least admitted to focusing on this particular group of people. Why? Well, supposedly it was all by chance. I smell bullshit, don't you?

Like the article states, this smells ripe with the sticky sweet smell of voter suppression. If you can't get away with screwing around with the electronic voter machines, then scare the bejeesus out of the only vehemently Democratic population in your state to sway the vote in favor of your imbecilic brother. Or am I reading to much into this?

Read the article for yourself, and feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that your police force cannot be bought by a particular party like Florida can. Unless you live in Florida. Then, stock up on fire extinguishers, because this isn't going to get any better.