Monday, May 31, 2004

Don't Make Plans For Christmas

Shit, we're all screwed. And, of course, it happens right during my birthday.

The tinfoil hat-wearing people of the internet have "discovered" a deception by the governments of the world to keep us in the dark about an impending comet strike. This makes this Doomsday 3,614 for me so far, considering that the world is supposed to end every four months or so. But, this one has been backed up by "credible evidence". Which means wild allegations and nihilistic reasoning.

The evidence stems from an intercepted military transmission from a broadcaster with the callsign "Snowball" and another party named "Burrow" on shortwave discussing a countdown to impact. Now, if you know anything about radios and the military, you know they aren't the types to broadcast unscrambled on shortwave. Especially when it concerns the end of the world. Couple this with the admittedly weird dispatching of large amounts of naval war vessels for the entire month of June. Not just America, either. Apparently many countries have their navies putting to sea for the month. A possible coincidence, but it does make you scratch your head for a minute. That tinfoil hat gets itchy.

Further on in this article it mentions Dubya landing on the aircraft carrier last year to make his famous "Mission Accomplished" speech. So what, you say? Well, smartypants, did you know that Queen Elizabeth had pulled a similar surprise landing on a British warship in late April of this year? The alarms go off in your paranoid head. Obviously, they are prepping the leaders of the world to be evacuated to ships when the big one hits. I don't even have a rowboat, but you better bet that I'm putting one on the roof of my building ASAP. I'll pack it with ramen and books, and maybe a dome tent or something.

All in all, there is no reason to worry. All that crap about a lottery for those who will be saved we saw in Deep Impact won't really happen. We'll be left to fend for ourselves, and the ruling elite will be comfy in their giant ships and hollowed out mountains. My advice to you: learn to swim. I try not to give these conspiracies any credence, first of all because they are usually full of shit. Second of all, well, if they ARE true we're fucked anyway.

Oh, and check out the "o" at the end of my name on this post. Is that metal,or what?


Post a Comment

<< Home