Friday, February 13, 2004

Now this I could get behind! An obvious weakness that isn't exploited with Muslim suicide bombers is their aversion to all things porcine. Don't ask me why that is, I don't understand anything about Islamic religions, but putting bags of pigfat on buses sounds like a novel way of using what would otherwise only be thrown out or poured into a cup by the edge of the sink. My mom used to save the fat runoff from bacon for God knows what purpose, since it never seemed that she used it afterward. This stinky little cup would just sit contentedly by the soap, as if it was some sort of cure-all for your frying needs. Maybe she was worried about Muslim suicide bombers coming in during Sunday brunch, we were Catholics then.

Wow, got a little sidetracked there. Anyway, I would think an even better way of thwarting these religious zealots would be to simply smear ourselves with pigfat before boarding any public transit vehicle. Combined with the oppressive heat of the Middle East, the ensuing smell would conjure up delicious images of breakfast, and who wouldn't want that? It would probably cover up the *ahem* other smells one would most likely encounter on a crosstown bus in Jerusalem.

Now I know a use for all that bacon fat my Mom saved! Mom, if you still have some, send it to the Holy Land ASAP!


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