Friday, May 30, 2003

If you have plans to visit Bangladesh in the near future, don't. The police there have been given carte clinche to shoot to kill whomever they believe to dangerous wihtout fear of reprisals. This small, impoverished country has had it's fair share of problems. Famine ravaged it's population in the sixties, giving rise to one of the longest live albums ever produced by a former Beatle. Now, political party-biased gangs have caused much trouble, what with killing cops in shootouts and all. Although this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed, issuing a order like this to your local police force will do little to ramp up any tourist trade you might think you can milk out of your country.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

Guess who's going to Hell? Other than me, it's the guy who wrote his thesis on Jesus that claims the Son Of God was a fag. Why the University of Queensland would award a doctorate to anyone who claims that they are a qualified reader of astrological charts is beyond me, but his reasoning is sound. Blasphemous, but sound.
Let's leave with this horribly inappropriate quote from the article; "He said the planet Uranus figured prominently in Jesus's astrological chart, as it did with many gays."

Uranus, get it? YOUR anus? Get it?

Sk8ter Boi is slated to become a motion picture in the near future. This, of course, means that the world is indeed coming to an end. I'm assuming that Hollywood has completely run out of ideas by this point if this is the best that they can do. First of all, Avril Lavigne is annoying. It's impossible to write songs about the world's problems when you are only fifteen. Secondly, the premise for this movie is stolen from "Crazy/Beautiful", starring Kirsten Dunst and some Mexican dude. If that movie sucked, why would you want to remake it? I know the story is rather common and open to interpretation, but basing it on a crappy pop song is just so 80's.

By the way, Karen and Tom had their baby last night at around 8 o'clock. Jason Lee Auby was born at a whopping 8 pounds 8 ounces. THere are alot of eights in that birth. He also had a full head of blonde hair, which probably eased Tom's mind greatly. If it had turned out looking like the mailman, there would have been trouble.

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

What the Hell is going on at the White House these days? It seems like members of the Bush Administration are quitting left and right. Now Christie Whitman, administer of the EPA has decided to leave her position because of the problems dealing with the rest of the Cabinet and their slant on enviromental issues. I love the quote from Mrs. Whitman on the discussion she had with dubya as she stated her intention to quit: "I said, 'It's time to go. He said, 'I know.'" What compassion. You're fuckin' A he knew it was time for her to go! The only reason she was in the administration in the first place was to make him look less like a jack-booted Nazi and more like a hippie to the liberals when he first took office. After the pleasantries were done with, she probably wasn't even invited to the Cabinet BBQ's on Sundays or playing on the Slip 'N Slide in the Rose Garden on those hot August nights. " Oh, look. Here comes the treehugger. Betcha she complains about killing the grass or something."

It really says something about an administration when a person who believes so passionately about their particular area just says "fuck it" and goes home. Don't expect the recycling program to last too much longer. And if you go to a national park this summer, take plenty of pictures. The next time you go there, it might be an oil-drilling field or be in the process of being strip-mined for uranium.

Not that I really care all that much, but why did CNN have to ruin the tension of "American Idol" by letting everyone on the West Coast know who won before it has even aired out here? Ruben has won. You know, the fat guy. I didn't watch American Idol because I can't stand watching people sing crappy songs on TV, but I shared the sense of expectation folks out here felt as the competition wound it's way down to the final two hours. Now that I know who's going to win, I guess I'll have to not watch it like I had planned to do in the first place.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

The readers of Q Magazine were asked to list their favorite albums. The result was the insultingly lame Q Magazine's Greatest 100 Albums of All Time. While I can understand some of the entries, I have quite a few gripes about the bulk of them.

1. Eminem holds two of the top twenty positions.
2. Nirvana holds the number one position.
3. Oasis is on the list in the first place.
4. The same goes for The Strokes.
5. Linkin Park?!

I can only imagine the demographic that this periodical targets. Reading lists like this, and there are many every year, shows that nobody gets the idea of lists like this. The questions is "what are the greatest albums of all time", not just what you like right now. In two years, do you think that the White Stripes or Badly Drawn Boy will even be on this list? MTV likes to do their 100 Greatest Videos of All Time every year, and it is always the videos that came out that year and "Thriller". They have turned the phrase into something more like "The 100 Greatest Albums in My 100 Disc CD Changer".
In the past I can remember "Sports" by Huey Lewis and The News being on this list. Also "Breakfast In America" by Supertramp. Even "My Radio" by LL Cool J has made the list. Now the list sports every CD Radiohead has ever released and Manic Street Preachers, whom I've never even heard of. Just stop making these lists every few months. Let's try to keep it to once every ten years or so, then it will actually have some relevance.

Monday, May 19, 2003

Congratulations to MSNBC for getting Danny Glover fired from his job hawking MCI's products because of his dissenting views on the war in Iraq. It's nice to know that a network burdened with giving us objective news reporting can go that extra mile and become the "thought police" for the rest of us, as well. I don't know who to be more upset with; MCI for being such spineless shits, or Joe Scarborough for being just another propagandist shmuck. Free marketplace of ideas, my ass.

I have to admit something. I have gained quite a few pounds since my decision to quit smoking. We're talking about forty pounds or so, depending on the day. While this would be great if the gain was constituted of muscle, sadly, my weight is in the form of regular, run-of-the-mill fat. I have been working on what could be the perfect diet for me. I am relatively new at this whole dieting thing, considering I have been a stringy sunovabitch for most of my life. I also have the added issue of introducing alot of red meat into my diet, courtesy of my indoor griller. So, I have to try and lose some of the weight, but I have no experience with diets. I felt like I might finally take the dive into the wonderful world of weight loss. The "No Carb" diet has worked for some of my friends, and so has the "Meth Amphetamine" diet. Neither one seemed that appealing. But now I have discovered an "All Liquid" diet that I can adjust to. 47 pints of Guinness may be hard to choke down every day, but think of the health benefits. I just hope sleeping off a drunk burns calories.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Have you been paying any attention to the crap going on down in Texas with the Democratic legislators going into hiding because of a GOP-backed redistricting plan for the state? They wish to block a vote that will lose the Democrats five seats in the Texas legislature. While running away from the problem rarely solves it, you gotta hand it to these legislators for being ballsy. They are certainly putting their jobs in jeopardy by pulling such a childish prank. I wish I had thought of it first. But this story has a darker side. Let me explain.
The nefarious Republicans have sent out that most menacing of govermental arms, America's very own Gestapo, the Homeland Security Department, to round up the rebels and make them vote. Now, maybe I'm just uninformed, but wasn't the HSD(my acromyn, if you want to start using it, just send me a check) set up to find international terrorists? Weren't we assured that the HSD(once again, mine. Hands off!) would never be used for domestic political purposes? It's very telling when what is supposed to be a nonpartisan counterterrorist agency is used to hunt down Texas Democratic lawmakers and force them to vote. When democrats are finally allowed to run this country again, which will not be in my lifetime, can we use this instrument of evil to force the Republicans to vote for enviromental bills? Will this arm of law enforcement be utilized to wipe out the Green Party?

Just to be safe, I'm working on getting my Irish citizenship. If Dubya gets another term, then you will be reading these posts from all the way across the world. Then I will have changed my views on the whole Iraq war. I'll probably have an accent, too.
Oh, and shouts out to my sister Margo, who got this whole citizenship thing rolling. I'll see you on the Emerald Isle, sis!

First of all, let me say sorry to all of you who were ticked off at the lack of postings in the past week or so. I have been busy doing other things. Let's just leave it at that.
I would have possibly stayed away for even longer, but I have been getting emails about the lack of stories. If the war was continuing still, you better bet that there would be constant updates. But, the government has stated that there are no WMD's in Iraq, and that proved my point on the whole subject. I still support the military action there, but I am a selfish American, and I like seeing those gas prices drop. Anyway, on with the show.

There is something very strange going on out at Skywalker Ranch in Marin County. This is the place where George Lucas does his brainstorming for the Star Wars francise. I would call it more likely brainfarting recently, given the quality of the past couple of movies, but that's not the point. What is the point is that whatever George has cooking up there is scaring the shit out of the local bovines to the point that they are running, lemming-like, off of cliffs. Whether this is some kind of Jedi mind trick, or maybe a sneak preview of the upcoming "Episode 3", experts say it takes alot of spooking to get a cow to run off a cliff. If only these future hamburgers were a tiny bit smarter, maybe they wouldn't be future hamburgers. Poor, stupid, cud-chewing, delicious cows. Just imagine how tender that beef is after tumbling down fifty or sixty feet. Yum.

This is the first post ever on this blog to make me hungry. I guess it's time to fire up the ol' George Foreman Lean, Mean, Fat Grilling Machine.

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

How do you say "I'm Sorry" to a country that you just obliterated? It turns out that there probably were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. This would be a good time for the bush administration to figure out a good lie for why we really went into Iraq in the first place. I mean, I know that Saddam was an asshole who would have nuked America if he had the chance. The problem is that he didn't have a chance. Senior officials are saying that Saddam conveniently disposed of his WMD program before the U.S. led invasion, which is why we will probably not find anything now. If we had left the U.N. inspectors to do their job, they would have come to the same conclusion, and we didn't want that.

Well, we got our war and we got our oil. If you look at the economy, you can see that it is looking healthier since the war. Gas prices are slated to drop sometime mid-summer. All these after-effects were the reason I supported the war, and still do. I never bought the WMD reason, I knew it was a power play to save our economy. I just wish we would have at least faked some nukes or something and saved face. Expect the shit to hit the fan in the Middle East once Al Jazeera reports this to the masses.

Saturday, May 03, 2003

Somebody decided to break into the back of my pickup last night and steal about $600 of tools along with my new toolbox. Pretty cool, huh?