Wednesday, April 09, 2003

Baghdad has now fallen to the allies. Although I am as happy as the next guy when a small country is thrown into chaos by the United States military machine, I still have to wonder about a couple of things.

1. We still haven't found any weapons of mass destruction. Although there have been a few false alarms, we have yet to find the "smoking gun" we have been promised. I believe that this is because we have not had the time to both fabricate then and plant them in such a short period of time. Now that we have control of Iraq's capitol, however, stay tuned for some explosive discoveries! The pun was not intended, but now that it's there, I like it.

2. Saddam's remains haven't been found. I know it's a long shot that he survived the nuking of the restaurant he supposedly had his last big meeting in, but it seems that we never get the guy we shoot for. Osama is still creeping around out there, and I have a sinking feeling that Saddam might pop up sometime in the future. Or one of his look-a-likes, which he apparently has many. So, just in case, kill every person you see who even remotely looks like Saddam. If enough of us do this, soon we will all be able to sleep through the night.

3. I have used numbered lists twice in the last two posts. And the last one was supposed to be my first anniversary extravaganza. It wasn't as big a deal as I thought it would. It actually felt more like my birthday, just give me my fuckin' presents already. Yet, I resorted to using a numbered list once again this week. I have no idea where I'm really going with this, but having just two entries in a numbered list seems too sparse. Yet another reason for not using a numbered list, I guess.

With victory so close at hand, let's hope that the army starts smuggling some oil stateside so we can look foward to more affordable gas prices. My biggest fear is that the armed forces out there will realize the extraordinary wealth they're sitting on, and decide to take over Iraq on their own, using their military might to control the oil fields. Then they could start they're own sadistic regime over there and dictate oil prices to the rest of us. How could we fight back, when most of our forces would be the bad guys? It sounds like a great idea for a movie, doesn't it? Well, I thought of it first!

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