Monday, March 10, 2003

The countdown is on! Our fearless leader, Dubya, has decided that St. Pat's Day is as good a date as any to go to war. Thanks for ruining the only Irish holiday recognized by this country. I am all gung-ho for the war, as you may well know, but at least try to pick another day! C'mon, man, it's St. Pat's Day! Folks are going to want to get drunk, not worry about the end of the world. Although I suppose that Armageddon is as good a reason to get sloppy as any, it just puts a damper on what's supposed to be a festive time. At least make it Easter or something. Everybody will be at church anyway, so you could slip in a prayer for peace and profitability as well as all the other things you pray for while in church. Me, I didn't really pray when I went to Mass, I just kept my head down until everyone else looked up. I had no idea how to pray, and I had a feeling it wasn't going to do any good anyway. I know that seems a little nihilistic for a kid, but you probably don't get how unbelievably deep I was even then. I was my own personal Jesus, just like the song, so you might understand the lack of faith.

And I know this isn't very PC, but could we please nuke the shit out of North Korea and get it over with? They have threatened us so many times that it feels like the U.S. is emasculated. It's like if America was sitting in the lunch room, eating our meal, then N. Korea would come up and take our milk. They would chug half of it, spit a hawker in the rest, and pour the unholy concoction all over the rest of our peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Then they would swipe our Fritos and laugh as we cried and ran out of the cafeteria. Like that visual? It just came to me in a rush. It's not like it ever happened to me in real life. If that had happened, I would have totally kicked North Korea's ass right there and would have been sent to Principal Henderson's office. No, really.

France is trying their froggy best to get other countries to not agree with the UN resolution for war. Why? Because they bank on the Euro. Filthy, greedy, stinky French. I say, when we are done with Iraq and North Korea, you're next! I would just love to see the Eiffel Tower have it's name changed to the PG&E Tower. I like the ring of that.


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