Friday, February 28, 2003

I made the unfortunate mistake of telling Jonny Manak that I was interested in seeing Tsunami Bomb at the Bottom Of The Hill tonight. Apparently, bands like this are not cool. Jonny called it "bubblegum punk", and told me that mainstream punk sucks. I'm glad that Jonny has an opinion on everything, now I can avoid the pitfalls of squareness.

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

I have recently noticed that some of the links I have left for stories on this blog are no longer live. Sorry about that, but the world turns on. You have to read my stories every day, or risk the embarrassment of being left behind. I know you don't want that, my constant readers. How would you approach your fellow workers every day without a fresh perspective on the goings-on of my insignificant life? I dare you to answer that! The guilty dog story was about a truckload of pig's ears stolen in Belfast, by the way.

I also want to take this time to welcome my parents to the reader pool. They have finally come out of hiding, and have graced the kids with both email and phone numbers! I was sure they had won the lottery, and had decided to cut off any communication with us, as I had so long ago. Alas, it was only a discrepancy in the phone number itself, not a sudden windfall. Shit. I was hoping I would be able to quit my job after one week, lazy bastard that I am.

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

There is alot of frustration to the ongoing price hikes for gas. I feel the heat, and so do you. This is to be expected with the military action in the Persian Gulf. We went through all this during the last Gulf War. And in California, we have hit the $2/gallon level more often than we'd like to admit.
But things have come to a head. There is a sickly white underbelly to this price gouging. Yes, I'm talking about when Tom Wopat, Luke Duke of The Dukes Of Hazard fame, is forced to buy his fuel in the Garden State. The actor refuses to fill up in Manhattan, simply pumping a few buck in his tank like a high school student in order to get across the bridge back to Jersey. I don't blame him. A 1969 Dodge Charger chugs gas, and even with a really long running start, I don't think the General Lee will make it all the way across the river into Bergen County.
I wonder how Michael Knight feels about this. The Kit 2000 was another trog vehicle that served no purpose other than to rev other trogs.

I'm really trying here, folks. But I am just too tired to be really witty right now. Maybe in a few beers I will have some more to say. Let's hope.

Monday, February 24, 2003

Well, it seems that we have a new thing to worry about now. If you have never heard about the bird flu, just know this: it kills one third of the people who contract it. It is interspecially contaigous. That is, it can be spread between different animals and man. If this disease does the invetitable and crossed the Pacific, we are in alot of trouble. With a mortality rate of 33%, it can become a very effective population control device. Get your shots and take your vitamins. And don't sleep with any strange parrots. They may be smooth talkers, but they just say what will get them a little cracker. You know what I mean.

Sorry, guys. Slacked a little on the posting. Don't let me get away with this! Call me an asshole! Get mad! Send me money!

Let's start with Saturday. After working at the Sun jobsite with Tom Auby, I went over to his and Karen's house to hang out for his birthday. This fact(the birthday, not the hanging out) was reiterated throughout the day by Tom. Everybody at work was continuously reminded of the special occasion, and Tom's ire at having to work. I, having worked the last 7 birthdays, was of little consolation. We ended up eating at Outback Steakhouse, and Tom talked me into stealing cutlery from this establishment. This enchanting evening closed at Tom's house, where I was enticed by the chance of an evening filled with psilocybin and playstation 2 with Jared and the gang. How I crossed this treacherous conundrum without harm I'll never know. An evening of possible shreiking and hallucinations, or taking magic mushrooms instead. The possibilities seemed endless. I chose to call it a night. Somehow, I made it alive, well, and soberish at home. My neighbor Anna and her new girlfriend invited me to go out and drink, and I accepted. We ended up going to Katie Bloom's, which is about as exciting as applying foot powder, but we got a chance to hang out, and we closed down the bar. It was okay.

Sunday, Jonny Nauseous talks me into a playing softball game with some of the people who hang out downtown. Guess what? I'm no good at athletic stuff. I at least played, but I wasn't making any friends with my team as I continuously missed line-drives to my area, and struck myself out once. I even fucked up a run for my team that would've won the game for us. In short, I'm a loser. But the brighter side is this: I really had alot of fun playing. I might suck, but this will not stop me from at least playing another couple of games this season. Maybe I'll get better, who knows? But I'll probably have to start my own team, as I will no longer be picked on any other team as long as I live.

After that we went to Telaque Paque in Willow Glen. I have never been to this place before, and am therefore confused by the sheer size of the waiting room for tables. You could easily put a couple of tables in this room, yet it is simply a herding area for waiting patrons. I thought this was floor space unwisely used. Did this detract from the dining experience? Not really.
The food was great; my chorizo was spicy, but not too spicy. The service was a very slow, but the meal was worth the wait. They also served some weird beer with lemon and salt, but I can't remember the name of it. They were tasty, but salty. They seriously salt the rim of the margarita glass before they pour this beer, and then dollop on the lemon juice. Super sour beer sucks the big ol' hairy root, but it was still tasty, to a point.

This next note is to my content people. You know who you are. Keep it coming. Just because it isn't in the very next post, that doesn't mean that it won't be in a future post, or influence a future post. I love it! It's nice to know that there are people out there that not only read, but want to add to the overall quality of the site. Send me enough stuff, and I might even give you access to posting here as well. That would be kinda cool! A blog for everybody! A festivus for the rest of us! Let me know, kids. I'm easy!

Thursday, February 20, 2003

Have you noticed the marked drop in posts for this blog in the recent past? That's because my job has mentally drained me of anything witty to say. All I can think about when I get home is drinking beer, titties, and taking off my workboots. I feel so blue collar. Although I would rather throw a Molotov Cocktail up my nose than resort to "toilet humor", I can't predict that all of my future posts will not be even more juvenile that already. And I think the "3 post a day" thing is safely out the door. There is no way i could keep up with that sort of commitment considering the hours involved with my current job.
I will also start to put in more entries that invlove world matters.
Didn't I just say something to the contrary recently?

Yea, that's just great.

Somebody please shoot me.
I have just realized that I have officially become a 'valley kook'. I gave the prospect of leaving the Valley Of Silicon some serious thought a month or so ago, and had come to the conclusion that I would miss San Jose too much. What the fuck is that all about? I once hung a banner from the windows of the apartment I lived in while residing in Capitola that declared "Go Home, Vallley Kooks!" Now I am one of the scorned.
For those of you who do not reside in the San Francisco bay area, San Jose is like the L.A. of the region. Universally despised, few admit they live in this area while in mixed company. But there is a gleaming white underbelly to this seedy armpit of the bay: San Jose Pride. Yes, there is a growing group of folks who have embraced the Valley as they would an abandoned mutt. They feed the scene with good music, good people, and a completely out of place sense of optimism. As the rest of the world points a finger at San Jo and accuses the vicinity of all the financial woes our nation now faces, these guys are building a fervent following of young idealists who may just turn our bland, vanilla city into a rocky-road, doublenut-chocolate chip sundae of hipness.
Will it happen? Well, if you lived here, you would know already.

See you at the Earache My Eye in April...

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

Keith from Atlanta, who auditioned for American Idol 2, is my new Messiah. I have seen the light! Keith bless you all!

Dubya's incessant bible thumping is really starting to piss me off. He must be aware of the fact that he is excluding alot of his constituents, be they Jews or Muslim or what-have-you. We are not all brainwashed evangelical Christians, and we don't appreciate this blatant mixing of church and state. Why do I sound so angry about such a "little" matter? This is one of the reasons that we are in this 'War On Terror'. Fanaticism is an ugly thing, no matter where it comes from. Just because we mention God on our currency(which is fucked up on it's own), this does not give us any moral or spiritual high ground in this world. I might not understand religion, but I understand commitment. Most Americans choose religion by convenience. That isn't what religion is about. It is about faith and sacrifice. Like it or lump it, the Muslims are way more commited to their religions than most Christians.
If you don't believe me, then you are most likely a Christian. Go jump in a lion's mouth. Oh, and God bless America.

P.S. Don't send me your e-mails and think that you are going to convert me or make me "see the light". I don't believe in God at all. I am an adult, and made this decision a long time ago. I have heard all the arguments, and I have been prayed for. What have I gathered from this? You are all fucking stupid. There, I said it. Take some goddamn responsibility for your actions! If you fucked up, it wasn't the Devil's fault, it was yours. If things go well for you, it wasn't the prayers, it was probably your actions. Trust me on this.
You absolutely will not listen to another point of view at all, electing to refer to the ancient tome of your faith for answers. Dinosaur bones in the Earth? God put them there to test our faith. Millions die every year of AIDS? Scourge of the unwashed heathens. You fucking conceited pricks. Maybe there is a reason the rest of the world is out after us. Because of you. Jesus must be turning over in his grave when he sees the atrocities that are perpetrated in His name. I mean, aren't you sick of yourselves? You blow up an abortion clinic(see: Planned Parenthood) which kills doctors and patients, and you think you did the world a favor? You destroy the history of whole civilizations, like all of the cultures in Central and South America from the 15th century on, and feel you are doing the "Lord's" work? You support the usurpers of the various holy places, but not the original habitants? To be fair, this could be almost anyplace, so don't feel left out. My point is, FUCK YOU.

It's been a long time coming for this particular rant. I have very firm views on religion, and I'm glad this one was as incomprehensible as possible. I feel it embodies the soul of my position, without the coherence of rational thought, and that is as it should be. Isn't that how religion works?

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

Word on the street is that Stikmon is going to get his wish finally, a performing-arts center in good ol' San Jo. The new place will be called the Earache My Eye Performance Art Center, and it sounds snazzy. Giant one-way mirrors, a restaurant, a bar, and a stage. What more could you want? Well, a little local flava, and Stikmon is sure to fill it up with just that. He shot for this dream at another property and, sadly, that did not come through. But, good things come to those who wait. Look for great shows and showings at the Earache come this April. Rumor has it that the grand opening will be on April 20th. You know, Hitler's birthday. And the anniversary of the Columbine shootings. Wow, there are some seriously bad connotations for that date. Let's hope the grand opening of the Earache breaks this viscious cycle.

In other news, I am once again a working man. Let me tell you, being on the dole softened me up quite a bit. My first day was today, and it soundly kicked my ass. My feet were hurting, my back was hurting, my eyes were even hurting. But the money's good and I work close to home. It could be alot worse. I could have accepted that job with the payphone guy in December. That guy was a dick.

Sunday, February 16, 2003

Best. Show. Ever.
I walked out of the Cliftons show yesterday with this phrase ringing through my head. Who cares if Molotov's doesn't have a caberet license? They still put on a great show. I came in expecting alot, and the bands did not let me down.
First up were The Lincolns, and they didn't skimp on the punk. Although they played a short set, they ladled in the hardcore and got the crowd jumping. It was at this point where I almost got my ass kicked by some drunk redheaded girl. Like I said, this show was punk.
After that was the Texas Thieves, and they delivered. They pumped through their set list with gusto, and kept the party going. Fozzie mixed it up with the crowd, bellowing his lyrics and generally entertaining the kids. Thank you, Fozzie. This guy is one of the reasons I still go to punk rock shows. He has an energy that easily transmits itself to the audience, and he can actually sing. With a winning combination like that, how can you go wrong?
Next up, The Cliftons. What can I say about this band that I haven't said before? They took the stage like the Nazis took France. It was a beautiful thing to behold. Jonny was on fire! He played like I have rarely seen him, full of energy and jocularity(look it up). His solos were played to perfection, and he really seemed to be enjoying himself onstage. This may be because he just started a new job last week, but who knows? I was thunderstruck by how tight they sounded, nowhere near the mess they made at the Icon a couple of weeks ago. Plus, the venue was tiny, giving the audience a chance to get up close and personal with the band. They were loud and proud. Tuffy was the most animated I've ever seen since his addition to the band. He put a new spin on the label "bass player", turning it from a geeky role to something to be proud of. Wil, Jim and Alby shined onstage, providing the perfect balance of "fuck you" with competent playing that is truly rare for this band. I know they pride themselves as being one of the worst bands ever, but they only let themselves down on this night, because they tore it up. It's bands like this that make me happy to be in this scene.
After that were The Idiots. They rocked. They rolled. They raised the roof. Word. Although they had some pretty big shoes to fill, they did so nicely. My throat was sore from screaming at this show, but it was a good sore.

Seriously, if you weren't there, I feel bad for you. Not only was it a good show, but it was a good time. I want this date emblazoned on my tombstone as one of the greatest days ever in my otherwise pitiful existence. Now that's sad.

In other news, Ted found my tape recorder and returned it to me. Apparently, the Insolence show, was so-so. Half of the tape is me and Holly talking about astrology. Good times? I think not. If you listen to the tape, you will hear me stumbling headfirst through a conversation I had no business being in, and arguing a point I wasn't sure I believed. Sorry, Holly. I don't know why you are always the target of my inebriation. Must be luck.

Friday, February 14, 2003

There is one extremely happy, but guilty dog out in Copenhagen today.

So, "Survivor" premiered last night. Let's all let out a collective, "Yawn". Ooohh! Let's split up the sexes and prove to everyone what we already know; men can't work together unless there is a paycheck for everyone involved. Of course the women were going to win immunity! The guys had been figuring out how to screw each other over since the beginning of the game. The only thing that seems interesting is when the ladies are all going to turn against the deaf girl. I'm glad she's there to show that the handicapped can participate, too, but as catty as these women seem? She's a goner. And then nobody is going to root for them because they showed their true colors. Shallow chicks suck. So, she can't get involved in nighttime conversation without their help. Is it too much to look her in the face when talking to her? She certainly busted ass when she was in the camp and during the immunity challenge, but she has something to prove, doesn't she? And that jackass Ryan, what's up with him? He obviously has never watched the show before, or he wouldn't have pulled the 'dick' card on the first episode. It's truly painful to watch the so-called "sausage party" going on over there.

Thursday, February 13, 2003

Confession is good for the soul. It can relieve an incredible weight from your shoulders, allowing you to meet the next day a changes person. The truth can have that effect on you. Confession can also be good for the body. Having elecrtodes attached to your private parts can make you see the error in your ways. It brings you closer to God, as well. At least, that's what you hope when you ask him repeatedly to get you out of your jam. But God likes confessions too. Ask any Catholic.

Sometimes the ways we try to extrude a confession from others gets called into suspicion, like when you set fire to the accused. If you are going to pour gas on somebody and threaten to light them on fire to get a confession, wait for the confession. It doesn't do you any good to simply torch them without anything signed. I think that is going too far. Although I would have confessed before they brought out the gasoline, even if I didn't do it. I can't imagine what else they tried that didn't work, to get all the way to immolation as a scare tactic.

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Apparently, animals don't like to be sacrificed.

You know you have been out of work for too long when you notice the annoying habits of daytime television. Specifically, the propensity for young women who "dress too sexy" on Jenny Jones to repeat the phrase "Whatever!" ad infinitum. Let me show you an example:

Jenny - "Our next guest, Daisy, says her 5 year-old daughter, Katrina, dresses too sexy for kindergarten. Is that correct, Daisy?"

Daisy - "Yes, Jenny. I'm an exotic dancer, and when I leave the house, I dress provacatively. But that is just for work! I have told Katrina repeatedly that she should look at the leather bikinis and thigh-high boots as more of a sort of 'uniform' Mommy has to wear for her work. Now, she wants to wear these exact same things to school, and I won't have it?"

Jenny - "Don't you think that it doesn't matter to her that you say about your clothes? That she sees the attention you get, and wants that same attention?"

Daisy - "But, Jenny, I explained to her that it was wrong."

Jenny - "Ummm, okay, let's just get the kid out here and get this over with. Come on out, Katrina."

[audience 'boohs' as Katrina struts out in a leather Cat Woman costume]

Katrina (waving her right hand at the audience dismissively)- "Whatever! Whatever! Whatever! Whatever! Whatever! Whatever!"

See what I'm talking about? Not only does Jenny Jones rely almost entirely on this same subject, but when the accused comes strutting out screaming "Whatever!" over and over, I feel like putting a gun to my head. Or hers. I have learned a couple of things from watching daytime TV. I don't think I want kids anymore, because invariably they become pre-teen punks who steal money and dress like prostitutes. Also, that having something to do with your days is therapeutic. I am nearly salivating with the desire to get a new job. You want to know what the high point of my day is? This. Ranting and raving to you. That is sad. I know people who are in lamer circumstances than mine, but I think that speaks more about the people I keep company with than the current state of society in general. In other words, just because you see folks below you, that doesn't mean you're at the middle. Let this be a lesson to you.
And stop saying "Whatever!" over and over again! It's bugging the shit out of me!

I was going to simply leave this post at the sentence above, but felt I needed to remark on something. Recently, this blog has been steeped in political ramblings. I somehow got into the habit of posting about every ridiculous thing that the Bush administration did. I have now realized that this is not a good way to run a blog. I know it keeps me rich with potential content, but it is very taxing. I then begin to feel that my only job here is to keep my readers up to date on all of the latest crap going on in the world. There are very few posts I have noticed in the past that are like the one above. You know, just stupid shit. I sort of like the stupid shit, but inspiration sometimes eludes me. I need to be able to pull that inspiration out at the drop of a hat if I am going to really write, and I feel like simple comments, while being great for sharpening my skill on the whetstone of experience, don't give me the potential blank canvas I need to stare at for inspiration. Not even I know what that is supposed to mean. See? I guess what I'm saying here is that I am going to try to lean away from the social commentary on current events as exclusive content. In short, more stupid stories. I don't want to lead you all to believe that I won't post until I have something meaningful to say, I don't think I'm capable of that sort of restraint now, but I won't be 'Johnny On The Spot' with the info as much, either. Unless, it's really juicy, or I haven't posted four hundred times already.

I have always been a fan of Chinese food. There is something about the smells and tastes one can find in a really good Chinese restaurant, evoking a sense of the mystery and splendor of asian cuisine. I always have wondered, though, about what it would be like to try some truly authentic dishes. Prepared as they have for centuries, the unique experience is something I daydream about while standing in line at Mr Chau's.

Then I read this article, and all I can say is, "Ewww!"

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

I just realized that the last post I wrote links to the LA Times website, and you have to register to read it. As Jesus said, "Be not afraid". You don't have to pay anything, and they don't spam or anything. It's also a good idea if you are linking to 1st Headlines, one of the best news sites out there. It updates even more than Fark.

Great! Now we find out our intelligence community, which we just handed over all of our rights to, still can't protect us. So, apparently, it wasn't funding and intelligence gathering practices that made them stupid...they were just stupid. The Director of the FBI told us not to downplay these new threats of attack, stating, "the enemies we face are resourceful, merciless, and fanatically committed to inflicting massive damage on our homeland...". Too bad the FBI isn't resourceful, merciless, and fanatically commited to the safety of our homeland. Then they would know how many al-Queda cells were working within the US, using the money they took for their budget on intelligence these past two years.

I don't know about you, but I consider it an insult to my intelligence that they now say they have no idea what is going on within the borders of the US after everything that has gone on since 9/11. They pulled me aside both times going back and forth to San Diego on TWA, but they can't keep known terrorists out of the area. Thanks a fuckload, guys. Good thing we still have the right to bear arms, because you aren't doing a very good job of watching over us. And don't give me that cock and bull about, "not knowing what's going on 24 hours a day" because you passed all this legislation to erode the basic privacy laws that we so recently held precious. You fucking should know! What did you do with all that fucking money? Do I look that stupid? "Don't answer that!"-Daffy Duck

Really, everybody, think about this article, and what it says about the state of affairs we find ourselves to be in. This is why I don't like politics in the first place. I don't really know if it is the current administration that has put us in this position, or the last twenty, but they make as effective target as anybody. And Bush is a fucking creep anyway. Just look what he did to my blog. All political, and shit. Break wit' some band reviews, yo!

It's nice to hear that Osama is still rattling around the world, I was beginning to think this whole war was over oil. Phew! I can't tell you how relieved I am. I would also like to thank the Grand Poobah of the Al Qaeda for endorsing the idea of suicide bombers inside the US. As if I could sleep anyway, now I have to worry about every person who saunters by in a trenchcoat. Actually, they were freaking me out way before now. But this time they might not be whiny, overprivileged youths; rather, they would be religious idealists. I don't know which is actually worse, but the zealots give me the 'oogies'.

They just had this whole special about suicide bombers last month on the Discovery Channel, and now I don't want to go to the supermarket for fear of being blown up. Okay, it's not that bad, but it's still a little freaky. We walked right into this jihad, this holy war, and it will ultimately come down to either us or them using one horrendous strike to end it once and for all. Are we really willing to go through all nine innings, when we might just destroy the whole world? I know Bush will go all the way, but should we support him all the way through? This thing is starting to tear at the very fabric of modern society. It's no wonder that the doomsayers are predicting the end of the world. It could very well be right around the corner.

On the lighter side, when we are all living in caves a few years from now, I hope my cavemate draws funny political comics of Bush. You know, with big ears and beady eyes, saying "Ooops!" or something equally clever. That would be funny!

Why do I carry on in a Scottish accent when I get a wee nip of the ol' whiskey? Because of this. Peoples just love it! And I loves peoples. So, sorry, Ted. That wasn't incomprehensible Irish slurring I was screaming at the cabbies on Sunday night, but Scottish. And whatever happened to my tape recorder? It's still MIA.

On another note, I would like to apologize for the diminutive entries yesterday. I was very hungover. My alarm was Ted running into the living room and yelling, "Taco! You gotta move your car!" I had no idea what he was talking about, but I dashed from his apartment lickety-split and made it just in time.

Just another reason why Ted gets two thumbs up. Up his ass! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Monday, February 10, 2003

I have started a phenomenon. I don't feel very happy about it, either. Some of the posters to Laci Peterson's have actually used profanities and sexual inuendo on a site meant for not only supporting her family, but to gather info on this case. Now, I don't actually think I started this whole thing, that would pretty egotistical of me, but I was one of the first posters to not simply be a wellwisher. I also made a snide comment that was in poor taste. And I was yelled at for it. I am such a trendsetter!

OK, then! I went to the Insolence show, but I have nothing to say about it. I was drunk, and it would be unfair to write a review based on fractured memories. Also, I lost my tape recorder. I'm hoping Ted has it.

Goddamn, this is a boring entry. I'm sorry.

Sunday, February 09, 2003

Tonight I might go see Insolence at The Pound. Details to follow.

Saturday, February 08, 2003

That's three updates. Go to bed, now.

There are links to the left, and I don't feel like they are being visited. Matt took some time to recreate the x-entertainment site, and he deserves a look or two. I love his site, it's got a yuk factor of three. That's "yuk yuk yuk"! Think of the savings!
Next is Daily Rotten, a good place to follow weird stories. The pictures are funny too. 'Nuf said.
Going to Fark is also a good way of realizing that I'm not original in the least. On second thought, don't go there.

I have been reading through the archives of this blog, and I noticed a distressing number of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. I was going to go through every entry and repair these heinous mistakes, but I decided that I would rather chalk it up to "artistic license". Does that piss you off? It should. It means that I will continue to peddle my tripe without any editing whatsoever. I don't know about you, but that burns me up.

What, pray tell, was the reason for this post? I'm not so sure myself. If you go to www.blogger.com, you'll see that they have a running list of the most recent updates to the myriad blogs they host. This could be a contributing factor(any exposure is good exposure). I also have found that I really like to type. No, really. I have one of those Microsoft 'ergo' keyboards, and I love it. It's not only a good keyboard for playing first-person shooters, but it just feels right. It makes typing a benefit, not a hindrance, to updating ad infinitum.

I can't believe I got away with a post covering the merits of my keyboard. Next week, I'll masturbate over my cool trackball mouse.

You know you'll be reading.

Wolf Blitzer has his own take on "Puppetry of The Penis". Toeing the party line is expected in times of war, but ignoring or warping the facts is stupid. Does CNN think that they can regurgitate all the lies being told by the Bush Administration, and America will just eat it up?

I guess we will, at that. Depressingly few people read the news on alternate media sites. Open up your minds, children, and let your voice be heard. Amen!

Vampire Prince Michael Rain is wanted in Dayton, Ohio for not registering as a sex offender. I want him just so I can ask him what's is up with his name. Is he really a vampire prince? Should he be addressed, "Your Majesty"? Are they simply stating that he is a vampire, but also a prince? Is He Michael Jackson's firstborn? Is the reference to "Rain" an homage to Prince? Is his mugshot supposed to be a 3-D image? I don't get it, folks.

Thursday, February 06, 2003

Jesus Christ! Will I ever shut up? Seems not, since every time I look at the news online, something else jumps out at me. I swore that I wouldn't counter-balance months of not posting with months filled with three or more posts daily. Apparently, most of you don't dig it either. You have bitched, and I have heard you. But I just can't help it! This article would not leave me alone.

Rep. Howard Coble(R), a North Carolina congressman and chairman of the House Subcommittee on Crime, Terrorism and Homeland Security, has stated on a radio talk show "...that he agreed with the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II"(Yahoo! News).
I have not the words.

Hey, we all got off lucky with this one!

Update: Now the family of the guy who OD'ed online wants to prosecute the other folks in the chatroom for egging him on. There is no legal precedent for this. The reason? Because they commited no arrestable offense. My mom used to say, "If John Marini jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you jump too?" The logic in the minds of the grieving family is, if I did jump, my mom could sue the Marinis. Watch out, suicide hecklers! If you see a guy on a windowsill of a highrise, and you yell "JUMP!"(I've done this), then you are opening yourself up to a whole metric buttload of legal ramifications.

I can understand that the Vedas family is sick with emotion after such a horrible tragedy, so I'll put this as delicately as possible: You're son was an idiot. He was not a highly impressionable child of 12, but a 21 year old adult. Not only that, but an adult who constantly logged onto chatrooms that discussed the recreational usage of prescription drugs. And he was able to fool several doctors into prescribing these drugs to him. He also lived at home, so you must have known that he "suddenly" started to show symptoms of depression and chronic pain at the same time. The world is not your babysitter, and cannot be held accountable for your child's irrational behavior. Just sue society in general, instead. You'll probably get a better reward.

Hot from the WTF desk:

It seems that the inanity of PETA has reached an all-time low. Outraged by the use of a donkey as a deployment device for a Palestinian bombing, PETA President Ingrid Newkirk sent a fax to Yassir Arafat pleading with him to "leave the animals out of it". Apparently, it's okay to use people but not donkeys. Now, I may not be the most on-the-ball when it comes to Middle East affairs, but haven't there been untold numbers of humans killed during this struggle for control of the world's holiest site? Now that an animal has been thrown into the mix, PETA has found their voice? You guys are fucking outrageous! There are real issues out there, I don't think they are worrying about one donkey. If you feel so strongly about it, why don't you go over there and form a human shield around every beast of burden in Isreal? It would be poetic justice for a bunch of asses to protect a bunch of asses.

When she was asked why she didn't ask Arafat to stop using humans as portable bombs, she said, "It's not my business to inject myself into human wars...".
So, I guess we'll be hearing more from her when the next Great Cat-Dog War inevitably erupts.

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

To the tune of "If you're happy and you know it"




If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq.
Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me
'Cos it's all the proof I need
Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad),
Bomb Iraq.

If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.

As Robert Culp said in "Turk 182",
"That's one...for the band."

Wait a minute! Colin's speech failed to convince the rest of the UN? What about the smoking gun? I feel like I'm in some alternate reality where Helen Reddy songs really come true. For the uninitiated, it's "You and Me Against The World".

Dubya said barely 18 months ago, "Either you're with us, or against us!" So I guess this means that we are going to ostracize ourselves from the rest of the world. We'll see who comes crawling back when they need some cheap unleaded. Or sand.

This proves that votes aren't sabotaged only in the USA. Apparently, you can get "your lever pulled" in New Zealand by the local magistrate. Would this sway the vote? I should say so! This is a great way to capture the male demographic. Enough said, I guess.

This story, quoting former South African president Nelson Mandela, mysteriously didn't show up on the evening news out here at all. In fact, the only opposition to Colin Powell's "smoking gun" evidence allowed on the broadcast was Iraq itself. I pulled this story from www.1stheadlines.com, which is a great place to keep up to date on the continuing crisis we now find ourselves in. It is also a great place to read the stories that the mainstream media has decided not to cover, for whatever reason.

I didn't want to use this entry to criticize US foreign policy, but my brother sent me a link to the first story covering Colin Powell's statements to the UN. In it, he said, " ...but the anti-war crowd is impervious to logic, so it doesn't make any difference." My question has always been, why is the rest of the world against this war if it is so logical? We don't live on Planet Hookah, so it's obviously not just the anti-war liberals out there. It's everybody else in the whole world, except the UK and the US.

Where is the logic in this? And what the hell happened to trying to find Osama? Wasn't that what this all started from?

I hate to sound like a tinfoil-hat wearing conspiracy theorist, but come on! The US tells the UN that we will wait until the weapons inspectors report in, and we'll go from there. They tell us that they haven't found anything except a couple of empty missles, rusty from lack of use. The US jumps up and says, "They're wrong! It's gottta be there!" They join a Fark.com photoshop contest, and suddenly they have proof. Bullshit. I have never trusted that beady-eyed bastard(Dubya), he's the absolute worst president we have ever had.

So there.

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

Drugs make you do some pretty stupid things. They might get you, say, thrown out of a local club before the headliner even goes on stage. Or, they might get you arrested by the authorities because you were running around on private property one night, screaming, naked, and swinging a flashlight over your head while making lightsaber noises. Not that I would know about these things.

But, let's say for the sake of argument, that I had some port of experience in these matters. The first thing I would tell n00bs is, "Everything In Moderation". It is really easy to put yourself in a hospital, or a graveyard, by going to extremes with either variety or quantity. A perfect example of this was Brandon Vedas' last one-man performance of I Do This Every Weekend. I was pretty steamed by the sheer number of different depressants this guy swallowed at once. He took "large doses of Klonopin, Methadone, Restoril and Inderal, along with marijuana and 151-proof rum." This was all within a couple of hours. Whoa there, Chong! Try to enjoy it a little!

Why do people do this? Is there something so wrong in our society that we have produced a new generation comprised solely of village idiots? If it isn't "Jackass", it's something even worse. When I was younger, I resisted the idea that TV was making us all stupid. I didn't want to believe that society was truly self-destructing, and we were going to witness it all. Now, it seems so close that I feel like selling my computer for a "how-to" suvivalist guide and land in Montana.

What other future can there be, when the computer geeks become stupider than the druggies.

Sunday, February 02, 2003

"Who are the readers in your neighborhood?"

This has been an exhausting day at the ol' intellectualo excremento...or whatever. I have been bitched at by Laci Peterson's friend, and commented about the Columbia thingie. Is this going to increase my readership? If i gain just one more regular reader, that will give me a 50% greater fan base. No, really. I could give a shouts-out to all the confirmed readers, and I would still be screwed for material. But I'm desperate for readers.

Who do I see in my magic mirror?

Ted, of course. The rest of you could take some lessons on how to be a friend from this guy. Not only does he tune in, but he gives positive feedback.

Karen. She keeps me honest. Probaby because she's preggie, and doesn't have time for my shit.

Amy. She says she reads, and I guess I believe her. I guess.

Lo. Even if she does not read, she's still my favorite person.

Margo. My sister, and coolest person on Earth. Except for that whole Alex Van Halen thing. Seriously, the guy looks like a Neanderthal.

Everyone else. I would be seriously be grasping at straws if I went past that.
I may be wrong, but I have a counter, kids. I have a pretty good idea of who comes here and who just say they come here. Case in point: My other site has only 30k hits, and it's been up since 1998. That was last century, children. Again, Ted was the only one who noticed that I had not updated in a while. What do I pull from this?
Two things:
1. Ted's boss needs to manage Ted's time better.
2. I could die a fiery death, and only you guys would know.
I'm wondering who got the whole magic mirror joke. Probably no one. I guess it's a waste of time to mention the Chuckle Patch. I am really too old to be engaged in this sort of social interaction.

Saturday, February 01, 2003

Well, my prediction has partially come true: CNN Headline News does not have any video of the Columbia disaster, so they resorted to showing loops of the Challenger explosion instead. Do we really need to be reminded of both mishaps?
Update: They now have some new Columbia explosion footage! There goes my lunch...

Hey! I got hate mail! Here's to my crappy attitude!

"to whom it may concern:
I am a friend of Laci Peterson and check the guestbook
daily for a few minutes. I have noticed that you have
written a few times (I think it's "you"- I got this
email address from the site with your comments- human
excrememt? whatever).
You may not realize it, care, or know that it's
insensitive to write some of the things you have. IE:
when can I get my reward...? etc.
Laci's friends and family read the guestbook for
comfort and those kinds of things just aren't
neccessary. I know that an open guestbook like that is
just asking for people to write whatever the hell they
want- there have been plenty of bizarre and
thoughtless messages-, but get a grip, think about the
effect it has on her family and stop. There is no need
to be a jerk.
Thank you
Zoe"
My response is, of course, not to make light of the Laci Peterson case. I firmly believe that this case deserves the attention of the denizens of Northern California. Psychic impressions have already named those involved. I had a dream that mirrors this "info". At least her husband is keeping this info hot in the media. Considering that he is guilty, this doesn't make much sense. Maybe he thinks he can hide in broad daylight. But I know, and so does this other crackpot psychic. So watch out!

But, let us all pray that Laci peterson is safe and sound somewhere. I would like nothing better than her safe return to her home and family. Indeed, there have been people who were held for years and returned to their loved ones. If the kidnappers are out there reading this blog(which I very much doubt, since my friends don't even read it), this woman needs medical attention. If you haven't noticed, she is just about due to have a baby. So just let her go.

There, I said my peace. Knock it off with the e-mails already!

The Space Shuttle Columbia has exploded upon re-entry to Earth's atmosphere early this morning. I don't even have the words to express how I feel right now. The first thing that went through my head was, "Those fucking terrorists!", but I don't think that is the case. But, there was an Isreali astronaut onboard, and that pissed off some of the Islamics badly. There isn't any video of the explosion yet, thank God, but rest assured there will be. It was hard enough going through the Challenger disaster without CNN showing the same footage over and over again like that old SNL skit, "Buckwheat has been shot!"

How is this going to affect our future in space? Will we now risk sending someone to Mars, when barely any of the unmanned probes make it there anyway? Will Dubya automatically contribute this tragedy to terrorists, like I did initially? For the first two questions, I don't know.

For the last one, what are you kidding me? Of course he will! You done fucked up now, Saddam! Oooooh! You are dead meat after school! You and me in the student parking lot at 3pm!