Monday, December 30, 2002

There seems to be some sort of misunderstanding among today's college youth: if you happen to be lucky enough to run a college radio show, and it is scheduled at night, you must waste at least half of your programming on reggae, rock steady, dub, or something else. Why is this? I understand that you might think reggae is deeply anti-establishment and Jah Rastafari, but really it isn't. You are catering to a bunch of college students, not Kingston's ghettos. The only thing your listeners have in common with reggae is the desire to smoke weed and feel like there is something noble in this self-destructive act. I have even heard some students trying to affect a Jamaican accent and using Jamaican slang. Puhleeze give me a break. You were most likely brought up in Los Altos, or someplace like it, and you want to feel like you're from someplace with a little more "soul". Well, I hate to break it to you, but you were given the great discourtesy of running water, ample food, and a chance at a good education. It might suck right now, but once you get out in the world and find out how other people really live, you will literally be kissing your parents' ass that they allowed you to live your life so easily. And then this whole reggae thing will seem like a silly and immature act of defiance. Which it is.

Jeez, I sound pretty angry, huh?

Saturday, December 28, 2002

By the way, my sister was on local TV three times this week. She was peddling wares for Lucky Magazine, where she is the Senior Publicist. She had spots on NBC 3, KRON 4, and KTVU 2. Way to go, Morag!

I certainly hope everybody had a merry xmas, I know I did. Here's a quick rundown of the expensive crap I got on this holiest of holidays:
20" flat screen TV
DVD/VCR combo(from Sony, of course!)
Grundig Yachtboy 400(it's a radio)
Some pretty cool DVDs

I know this isn't an extensive list, but what did you get? I think this is a pretty clear indication that my parents love me way more than my siblings. They received makedly less than I.

And really, isn't that the way we are supposed to show the love?

Sunday, December 22, 2002

Well, it seems that at least one woman is not going to have a merry x-mas. This poor woman has possibly sprung the biggest leak anyone has ever heard of. She honestly believes she is Barry Manilow. I could have thought of at least six or seven people I would rather be than Barry Manilow, and some of them aren't even old cheesy singers from my childhood! Now, the only thing that gives me pause is the physical description: "She is described as white, around 60-years-old, and of medium build. She is 5ft 4ins tall and has a ruddy complexion, receding white hair and a shrill voice. When she was found, she was wearing a turban and had a pink scarf wrapped around her head." That sounds alot like the Barry I know, especially the shrill voice and the ruddy complexion.

Just a little fashion advice, Barry: The turban's okay, the pink scarf is a little too much.

Friday, December 20, 2002

The rains have begun anew. It was nice enough, for long enough today, for me to almost get my shopping completed. Unfortunately, they say that the weather won't get better for at least the next four days, and maybe longer. I have the funny feeling that some people are going to get screwed out of their Christmas gifts. Oy, Vey! Better luck next Kwanza, suckers! To everyone else, I really tried! The weather played against me! I'm so sorry, God, I just feel horrible!

I went out and bought myself a police scanner today(Merry Christmas to me!!!) because I believe that the government is tracking my alien implant in order to audit me next year. Don't laugh, the same thing happened to this guy I heard being interviewed on some AM radio show last night. No, really!! Plus, he was a Christian, and you know they can't lie! Anyway, it's pretty cool, but it satisfied a temporary curiosity way too quickly.
I have found myself feeling empty after this purchase.
Am I not but the sum of my possessions?
Am I just an obedient consumer/disciple to the corporate machine/God?
Have I drank too much beer?

You be the judge...

The weirdest thing is I have had dreams where I have seen this particular scanner. I shit you not. In my dreams!
Now, how stupid is that.

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

I want you to read these brief news clippings and ask yourself, "What the hell is wrong with this country?" Not only do we have a poor duck imprisoned in an Ace Hardware sign, but there exists a seven year old grand theft auto repeat offender. That is some seriously sick shit. I especially like how the high school football star beats a crippled man because he looked at his girl. As if we didn't hate jocks enough as it is. Now they really go out of their way to provide us with material to use against them.

And let's thank the child from the second story for reinstalling a sense of pride in the next generation. He was so worried about being late getting to school that he stole a Jeep Cherokee, a wise choice if he needed to take a shortcut across the soccer field. But he's got good taste in vehicles, you have to give him that much. Cherokees, baby. Bling-Bling! This kid ain't satisfied with Hot Wheels, he rather have hot wheels. Get it?

What about that fucking cop slicing tires while drunk? What is he, fourteen? His parents should ground him and take away his allowance after a stunt like that. I'm assuming that they grow their cops a little stupider down in Temple Terrace, wherever the hell that is. Really, giving a man this dumb a gun should be a crime in itself.

Don't even get me started about the duck...

I'd like to apologize in advance for the relatively amateurish feel of today's post. I'm lit. I think that about says it all.

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

What the fuck is up with this weather? I left the house when it was sunny, and I got about three miles down the road when the skies opened a cap of whup-ass on the freeway. There is a major accident right down the street from me on 280, and all lanes are closed. Additionally, there is a big accident on 4th Street blocking lanes. Now Karen has something to look foward to as she goes home. I thought this was supposed to end by now, I mean, how much water could be up there? This is getting a little too biblical for my atheist ass.

I got some feedback from my last entry, some of it good, some of it not so good. The consensus is that The Donnas suck, and why would I mention them as Women In Rock. One person put forth that, "They are just a bunch of no-talent, whiny girls from Shallow Alto.". It was actually Joan Jett that had mentioned them in her letter, and personally I agree with her on this subject. This is an object lesson for reading the content before you comment. They were mentioned simply because the Rolling Stone article colored Britney and Pink as "rockers" when the Donnas actually play rock, but never even got a mention. They might not be your cup of tea, but they do have a large fan base. They are unrecognized by the mainstream media because they are kinda butt. There, I said it. I know that it's a disgustingly superficial comment, and if you met me, you would say that I have no room to talk. But that is the way that the machine thinks. Does Britney have more talent than Bif Naked? Hell, no! But you will be seeing Britney all over the goddamn place and poor ol' Bif gets nada.

It has also been suggested that I turn this blog into a gossip column. Seriously, I think this valley has enough gossipers, and nothing ever happens here anyway. I will gossip from time to time on this site, but I don't want my content to be rife with unfounded accusations. Neither do I want my email to be filled with venomous comments and threats. My fragile self-esteem couldn't handle all that negativity. And I just broke my rose quartz crystal. Alright, now I need a hug.

Monday, December 16, 2002

If you haven't picked up the most recent edition of Zero Magazine you should leave now, RIGHT NOW, and find one. In the letter from the editor, there is a word-for-word reprinting of a letter written to the editors of Rolling Stone about their "Women In Rock" issue from no other than that original woman in rock, Joan Jett. In this letter, which Rolling Stone rather wussily didn't print, Joan berates the periodical for their slapshine and commercial line up of said women. This list included such rock behemoths as Brittany Spears and Ashanti. Kudos to Joan for pointing out some of the obvious mistakes in the article, such as The Donnas and The Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs being left out. She also strikes out at Brit in her interview for a line that struck close to her heart(blackheart?). When BS is asked what she thought of her -ugh- rendition of "I Love Rock-n-Roll", she commented, "Well, I've always liked Pat Benatar...". Fucking ouch, man.

Let's hear it for Joan Jett for not only being the baddest bitch in rock and roll, but for being true to the scene. It's people like her who really help the struggling artists out there to get their voice, and music, heard. Alot of other "famous" people could learn a thing or two from this girl.

On another note, in the same issue of Zero, one of the bands that Joan Jett refers to in her letter, The Distillers, gets a really horrible write up for their last local show with No Doubt and Garbage at the HP Pavilionon on 11/14. I don't know if this was really fair. I know that they had no energy on the stage that night, but consider the situation. First of all, you're playing with two bands that have no relationship to you except that they also play on Live 105. Next, you are the last band to play, a headliner position, yet you have very little following because of your limited playability. This is a common enough mistake for small scale band promoters, but inexcusable in a venue of this size with bands this recognizable. You might as well have had The Phenomenauts headline this show. I don't know if this was some half-assed attempt at pulling a local crowd into the joint(Andy, the drummer, was in The Nerve Agents), but if failed miserably. The show overall was okay, but this letdown at the end just plain sucked. The crowd was seriously not ready for these guys, and both sides showed it. The worst part is, these guys kick much ass, and many folks are going to wander away thinking they are either too commercial or too hard. As for being too commercial, well, time will tell.

As for being too hard, there simply is no such thing.

Sunday, December 15, 2002

I went to that show on Friday night, and I'm a little pissed at some people now. I recently grew a beard, having not had facial hair for about 8 years. It's not a new lifestyle change, I'm not going to buy the new Phish album or anything, I just felt like doing it. I might not even keep it. Anyway, I'm at the show, and someone I know came up to me and said, "I liked you better without all that facial hair." There was also a look of disdain on her face as she remarked on this.

My question is: Who the fuck are you to comment on my appearance? Are we not to be friends anymore if I leave it on? Am I to suppose that if you don't like it, then nobody will? If you are not fucking me, or have plans to, then what difference does it make what I look like? It's superficial comments like that which make me not like living in this town. Get your head out of your ass and think of the feelings of other people for once in your shallow life. San Jose is quickly turning into another Danville, suburbian Hell, where it's only what's on the surface that matters. I've got a secret for you, you all dress the same, have the same piercings, and listen to the exact same music. That's not rebellion, that's fashion. I admit that I have done the same. The beard was my subconscious comment on this trend. At least, now that I think about it.

Anywho, gotta go shave. See ya!

Friday, December 13, 2002

In other news, Henry Kissinger has quit as Chairman of the 9/11 Panel. The White House has characterized this as "another blow to the panel and the families of the 9/11 disaster." I don't see how this could be true, but at least the rest of the liberal public can breathe a sigh of relief. Now they have to find another government liar to take his place. Tough shit, Dubya.

Going to the Cliftons tonight. I haven't seen them in quite a while, and I'm really stoked. Of course, I have some sort of bronchial infection or something, so I can't walk over there. I feel a little lame taking a taxi to go only six blocks or so, but it is going to rain tonight anyway. Also on the bill is Los Olvidados, so it will be a great show. Sorry this post is so bland, but I'm just not in the mood to post. So there.

Wednesday, December 11, 2002

Ah, the wonders of Photoshop.

This is a program that I have spent entirely too little time with. There was a time when I would voluntarily throw away a whole Saturday just making and polishing images for my website. And this is when I was actually dating, with women. I never reinstalled this app the last time I had to reinstall everything else(I have a win98 system, I know, just shut up about it...). But tonight I put it back on, mostly because my website is looking hopelessly derelict, and I need to do something about this. Now, I know nobody ever goes to my website, but nobody ever goes to this blog either. That doesn't mean that I don't care. C'mon I care. Look, this is me caring. Now, I can understand some of you being a little put off by the breadth of topics usually covered on this blog. It is indeed a far stretch to discuss both Henry Kissinger and Bigfoot in a two-week period. But when you think about it, could these two subjects possibly have more in common than we are led to believe?

I'll leave you to think about this.

Next time on Intellectual Excrement: What exactly did this have to do with Photoshop?

Monday, December 09, 2002

"The Death Of Bigfoot" my ass.

Just because some old dead guy's family claims that he was the one who faked the Bluff Creek tracks that started the "Bigfoot" craze, that doesn't mean that he is the creator of Bigfoot. It started as a Native American legend. Unless this guy has some previous influence on ancient Native American legends(like, he went back in time) then he didn't start the whole Bigfoot myth. I'm not saying that I believe that Bigfoot exists, I don't, but to be this dismissive about a popular topic, just because it's "wacky", is a great disservice to fringe science. Let the people find out for themselves, ask some questions, research the subject. I have had the great misfortune to read several news stories about this guy's family's claims. Even UPI has treated it like a simple joke story. They regurgitate the same story, which has no independently verifiable facts, and treat it like the final answer to the Bigfoot mystery. That is just like the hardcore believers taking only the evidence that proves their point, and ignoring the rest. I would have expected more from UPI or AP. This is more the kind of journalism you would get from the Weekly World News.

Don't let this be some sort of clarion call for Bigfoot hunters to start emailing me about government coverups and the like. I have already stated that I don't believe Bigfoot lives in the woods. I firmly believe the the Roger Patterson footage was faked. John Campbell, who did the makeup for Plant Of The Apes, supposedly made the costume. I am more inclined to believe this than Chewy hanging out in Arcata's many lush backyards. But my beliefs don't keep me from looking at all the info available.

Contemplate this on the Tree Of Woe.

I opened this page thinking I had something to say. Now it seems that I don't. Bummer.

Saturday, December 07, 2002

Christmas is coming. I have no idea what I'm going to get my family, even though I swore that this year I was gonna get my shit together and find out what they wanted a couple of months ahead of time. At this point, I only know what my sister, Margo, wants(mp3 player). Every year I go through this, and every year I swear I will buy gifts early, etc. For 32 years, I've ignored myself on this point.

On another tangent, does anybody read this? If you do, and you know my email address, drop me a line. I don't know if i'm going to go on with this blog. Your imput is appreciated.